“Angst” is one of those emotional depth words that people use but don’t often understand. It has more of a philosophical bent than a tearing-out-your-hair bent. I ask the title question because in my field of work – Art – many artists suffer angst. It kind of goes with the territory.
Angst is a feeling of anxiety or apprehension whose cause isn’t readily identified. A salesperson may suffer anxiety during an attempted sale: will the customer purchase or won’t they? But in this case the anxiety is immediate and not long-lived. Once the sale is concluded [or not] there is no reason to wallow in angst.
An attorney may suffer apprehension before court begins, not knowing if her arguments will hold sway with the judge or jury. Again, however, this is apprehension that resolves itself with a known outcome.
No, the type of angst to which I’m referring – the kind I see in artists of any media [from painters to singers to performers] – is a more viseral type of anxiety that stems not from their competencies, but rather from their perceived inadequacies as a person.
For an artist, their work is tied deeply into who they are. A caricature way of looking at it would be to imagine a painter sitting outside an art gallery…sitting on the curb. The artist has his head in his hands and he’s rocking back and forth moaning ‘O why do I torture myself!’ Funny thing is, the gallery opening of his work was wildly successful – folks not only said raving-good things about his paintings but bought them too. Yet there he sits, head in hands and bemoaning his fate as an artist.
What does this mean? As an artist who is friends with artists, I can see where angst belongs. As a sufferer of angst I see what it is. Angst is the other side of Passion. Passion is what drives an artist to create [to sing, to act, to write, whatever]. It is that passionate drive that keeps her at it regardless of the naysayers. Yet it is the internal angst that causes her to drop the pen, the script, the score or the brush and wail against the night even when materially successful. She asks repeatedly, Why am I doing this?
Does an accountant or business consultant suffer for their “product” or service? I’ve often wondered.
Angst is such a creative person’s “thorn”. On the one hand, I can see how it can positively motivate you to always do your best and not be half-hearted; yet taken to an extreme, it can hinder because your best may never be “good enough”. Striking a balance is always key.
You hit the nail just perfectly – it is a “thorn” indeed. It’s very hard to find a balance.
I understand angst and experience it in blogging and in my work. The example you gave of the artist going through it, even when his opening was wildly successful is familiar.
I think it happens for anyone who is truly passionate about their work, their contribution, their creation. I think the heart of an artist is incredibly tender and susceptible to impressions left by others and by our own minds as well.
Hi Tia, you are so correct when you say that the ‘heart of an artist is incredibly tender and susceptible;’ I know painters who’ve been at their art for many many years, make a good living at selling their art yet will suffer every time they enter a new work into an exhibition…it’s like sending your firstborn to kindergarten because you invest so much of yourself in your work.
Beautifully said. Angst is the other side of passion. Absolutey. My wife often asks me why I rethink things or question my own decisions. She doesn’t understand the inner battle that artists partake in. She may think it’s a self-imposed curse, but I think of it as a dialogue with ones self. So much of what we put out there is a part of us and insurance salesman and even real estate moguls cannot relate to that. For them it’s simply about the sale. For us, it’s about adding something great to this world and knowing that you gave birth to it.
I like the way you stated “…the inner battle that artists partake in….” How true this is! I took a look at your blog and love the Indiana Jones post. What a great way to put this issue. I worked as a hired gun years ago and simply hated it. When I had the opportunity to live Life my way I knew I could live Art my way. And yes, even hired gun creatives suffer angst!
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