Women: Who Says???

April 6, 2011

in You

Who says you’re not beautiful?

That’s one of the lines from the song in the video above. It may seem trite or silly, but there is a lot of depth in that line. There are several reasons I like this song, but the primary one is that it’s by a young girl, for her equally young audience, and the messages in the song are so key to helping young women (and young men) develop an unshakable sense of confidence.

Defining the “who”

“Who says you’re not perfect? Who says you’re not worth it? Who says you’re the only one that’s heard it?”

Who says? That’s usually something that precocious people say in response to someone telling them they can’t do something. We need to start developing more of that attitude and saying that more often, particularly when it is regarding our talents, skills, beauty, or our future.

It’s an important question, as knee-jerk as it seems. It’s crucial to really think about who is saying what we’re prone to believing. Once we’ve figured out who is saying it, the very next questions should be

“What gives them the right to say that?” and “What do they know, anyway?”

There aren’t many good answers to those questions. Usually, whoever is saying that we’re not beautiful, or worth it, or will never amount to anything, or will never be able to overcome past issues, doesn’t actually have the right to say anything to us at all. Secondly, what do they know, anyway? When you find yourself asking that question of idiotic people, you start to realize that there just isn’t a good way to answer that question seriously.

Take them off the pedestal

who-says

I believe that we allow certain people in our lives to really shake us and turn our worlds upside down. We might not even like these people, but for whatever reason, the things that they say get under our skin. Sometimes, they rock us to the point that we change our behavior, or pattern of thinking. We let them affect us.

But it’s time to take them off the pedestal that we put them on. When we allow people to shake us, we are actually giving them a power over us that is undeserved. It doesn’t belong to them. They are not taking power; we are giving it to them.

Personally, this happened to me with a guy I was dating. I gave him a lot of power over me. I adored him – 100%, even though he didn’t have my best interests in mind. When things didn’t go my way, it ended up really throwing me, and it took me a really long time to get over him. I let this happen TWICE. :) It was after the second broken heart that I realized the extent to which I let him mean too much. In a way, it was actually unfair to both of us, because no one on earth deserves that kind of power. That power is too much for we human beings to handle.

So, whose lies are you believing? What kind of power do they have? How can you work toward taking back some of the power you’ve given them to affect you? And most of all, do you think doing any of this will help influence the young women in your life – family members, friends, and the family members of your friends – to see themselves differently?

Who says? :)

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Image credit: Shutterstock

Marlee April 7, 2011 at 10:52 am

This is a powerful message Tia.

I think it’s so important us to define these things for ourselves instead of looking outwards for approval. The truth is we all fall short of the “the mark” in some way, but it’s up to us as how we let that dictate what we think, feel, and believe about ourselves.

Fran Aslam From Online writer April 6, 2011 at 7:27 pm

Hi Tia:

Very important topic you are talking about. It is the personal power that people adopt from you when they talk to you. Therefore, do not show an attitude where people can pick up the idea that you can take criticism that is not justified.

So, I want everyone and specially all women to be very careful about letting people over judge them. Stop them on the first time it happens so it never comes again in the relationship. Self respect and self esteem is what makes you strong and makes you love yourself. Women naturally are loving creatures, they love and they let go all the barriers once they find love. I feel every human action need boundaries and in every give and take. Once you let go of the boundary in a relationship, this kind of behavior starts. The other party starts using you to their benefits.
Do not let this happen. You are a self sufficient women, you need to share life if there is somebody worth sharing only.

Tia thanks for writing this post and thanks for reading this comment from me.

Fran A

Allie April 6, 2011 at 1:17 pm

Great post for everyone!

Whenever I feel I am being judged or put down, I always think “Really? What qualifies them to do that? Do they have some degree or training to be able to make me feel undeserving?”

I hammer this into my daughter’s head all the time. When she has issues with other little girls and she gets sad or hurt. I just tell her that they are not qualified to do that and that takes those little meanies down a few notches in my daughter’s head and then she feels better. They are only my daughter’s equals so that does not qualify them to tell her who she is or what to do.

We need to do the same as adults. As soon as you figure out that others are NOT qualified to judge, it discredits their claims.

I did this with my mother for years. She was qualified to tell me what to do as a child but as an adult she no longer had power of me and that disqualified her from any influence over me.

I can go on but I need to go take a walk.

Great post!

redkathy April 6, 2011 at 1:17 am

You summed up the whole who says with this “I gave him a lot of power over me.” I think that when we pay attention and give weight to” you are not/can not/will not” statements is where the trouble begins.

“I can’t” was an unacceptable phrase in my house and not allowing that to be said did help block the negatives outsiders might try to instill.

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